Documentation

Below are the most significant findings of the La Verdis investigation as well as other traits commonly associated with the Kear Stevens phenomenon.

Exhibit 1

Kear is an abbreviation of the Scottish name Kearny and is pronounced like (although not to be confused with) the French drink Kir and the Indian dessert Kheer. Stevens is the surname of Darren Stevens, the husband of Samantha Stevens on the 1960s TV show Bewitched; Wallace Stevens, the esteemed American poet who wrote “On the Idea of Order at Key West” and “Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird”; and Steve Stevens, the longtime (and highly underrated) guitarist of Billy Idol.

Exhibit 2

A business entity in Denver, Colorado, has been incorporated under the name Kear Stevens since 2001, and this entity can be found in the local Denver business phone listings. Calls to the number (303-321-3451) have gone unreturned, although the voice mail message is quite polite.

Exhibit 3

Those individuals who have claimed either to have a relationship with Kear Stevens or to be familiar with the entity describe a warm, fuzzy feeling when the term comes up in conversation. They often compare this feeling to “a good buzz, you know, like after a few Jagermeister shots.”

Exhibit 4

Anonymous members of the Denver, Colorado, area marketing and advertising community as well as other notable Denver business leaders admit to at least having heard of the term “Kear Stevens.” Some associate this phrase with an advertising agency, while others have suggested it may be a law practice, accounting firm or the name of a remote national park in an adjoining large square Western U.S. state.

Exhibit 5

There is no evidence that Kear Stevens is a law practice or an accounting firm, and our researchers can conclusively say that it is NOT a pharmaceutical company, adult book publisher, rare fish importer, hedge fund, gay dance troupe (not that there’s anything wrong with that), plumbing service or a remote national park in a large square Western U.S. state.

Exhibit 6

A building on 1224 Speer Boulevard in Denver, Colorado, has been the site of many peculiar occurrences involving the term “Kear Stevens.” After examining the contents of the dumpster behind this building, the following items were discovered: Dazbog coffee cups, multiple QuarkXpress software boxes, empty wine bottles, Xacto knife blades, CD wrappers, Goldfish cracker boxes and a few disoriented interns. The relation of these materials to each other have yet to be determined.

Exhibit 7

Undercover surveillance of the building at 1224 Speer Boulevard has revealed both male and female persons dashing to and from the building throughout the day and evening, eyes averted, often carrying large briefcases, packages and other odd props. Such suspicious, peculiar behavior is often associated with speak-easys, college dormitories and pawn shops as well as advertising agencies.

Exhibit 8

A semi-automatic Browning handgun, a bottle of Oxycontin, a briefcase full of German barabonds and a ski mask. Oops, wrong investigation.

Exhibit 9

Three middle-aged men are purportedly at the center of the Kear Stevens phenomenon. At this point, we can only confirm their first names: Matt, Steve and Jeff (aka the Kear Stevens Three). Such bland, non-descript birth names are typical of those found in the advertising agency business (i.e., Bob, David, Tom, Frank and Chris, with the occasional Duncan, who is invariably a copywriter), another phenomenon that will be the subject of a future investigation.

Exhibit 10

An exhaustive search of the Internet revealed a site labeled with the Kear Stevens name that describes an advertising agency in Denver, Colorado located at the 1224 Speer Boulevard address listed in Exhibit 6 (see the Kear Stevens ad agency Web site).

Although one could surmise from this last exhibit that Kear Stevens is in fact an advertising agency in Denver, Colorado, we would urge prudence and caution in making this leap in logic, as the Internet is replete with hoax and spoof sites intended to mislead and deceive. We find this practice reprehensible, morally questionable and an utter waste of time.